Laura's Getting Married!

Two weekends ago, I threw my sister’s bachelorette party. We had soooo much fun. First we started the night off with a Lingerie/Dirty Bird Fun Shower and drinks. We then all piled in some cars and made our way to Highball in Austin. Miraculously and without a reservation, we were able to bowl in one of the lanes for an hour. It was a lot of fun and I definitely want to go back for some karaoke fun.

Then we had a limo (thanks, Mom!) pick us up and parade us all around downtown Austin. We drank, we danced, we were obnoxious and we danced some more. I am hoping everyone had as much fun as me.

Here are some fun pics:

The Girls!

From Laura's Bachelorette

Jessica and Laura

From Laura's Bachelorette

Morgan and I are obsessed with the star glasses. As you can see, we make sure we are wearing them when no one else is…

From Laura's Bachelorette

Yay, we took them off our face! Morgan, my sister and me!

From Laura's Bachelorette

Theresa in full on dance mode…

From Laura's Bachelorette

She hates the paparazzi.

From Laura's Bachelorette

I kept forgetting the night wasn’t about me…

From Laura's Bachelorette

Someone is getting drunky…

From Laura's Bachelorette

5 minutes later the camera died…which is probably good for all of us.



Random drunk tale from the night:

At the end of the night we were at some club and while we were making our way out, I heard a salsa/samba/fantastic Spanish beat start playing. It just so happen that I was walking across the open dance floor at this point. So I looked around the crowd and grabbed the first (what I believed to be) hot Latino man and started to show off my awesome (I am always the best dancer when I have been drinking) dance skills. While dancing I couldn’t help but notice I was the far more superior dancer and almost felt as if I was teaching… Oh well, I rocked.

At the end of the song, I leaned over to my partner and told him thank you for the dance and something else….all in Spanish (Yes, yes….we all know I have been drinking quite a bit if the first language I choose to speak in is Spanish.) At which point, my buddy said to me “I’m sorry. I don’t speak Spanish…”

All I could think was… “Man, my Spanish is so good right now! I totally understood what he just said!” To which I respond, in Spanish, “Thank you again. You are a great dancer.” To which he says, “I don’t understand Spanish.” FINALLY it clicks in my vodka drowned brain. I then ask him what he does speak (in English this time!) and he says English (really? Is that why I understood you?) and Arabic (I think.) So I said thanks in English and pushed him away.

So my lesson of the night was just because he looks tan does not mean that he is Hispanic.

Worst. Lunch. Ever.

So I go into the kitchen to grab my carefully measured out 8 oz of milk from one of Ben's shake container things. Upon grabbing said container, I notice it didn't look quite as full as when I put it in the fridge this morning. Upon further inspections, I see some asshole decided that he needed to use 3 fucking ounces of my milk! Really? You did't see the coffee creamer on the side or some other shit you could put in your coffee. You had to use MY LUNCH! WTF!!!

After cursing this unknown milk stealer, I added my shake mix and began to violently shake my drink (I was imagining the person's neck.) Little did I know that you have to keep your finger over that damn spout/sippy thing on the top. Sooooo yes, my not-enough-milk-shake exploded all over the kitchen. It is in my hair, on my clothes, on the coffee maker, microwave and even on the fucking floor. Now I just want to find the milk stealer and pour the rest of the 3 oz all over their face. Needless to say, I am having the worst lunch ever.

Juror # 461

So three weeks ago, I received my first jury summons since college. I’m not going to lie… I was excited. I have always wanted to sit on a jury. Maybe it is my obsession with Law and Order, CSI, Criminal Minds or any other crime drama out there…but I wanted to see the action in real life.

So I woke up this morning and picked out my respectable jury outfit with a little cleave showing (how else was I going to win the position of Jury Foreperson!). I caked on less whore makeup and grabbed my jury sheet. Only then did I realize I was supposed to fill something out online prior to arrival. The day was not going as planned…

Having no time to spare, I zoomed out to the waiting traffic on the highway. Really? Shouldn’t these people be at work? It was 8 o clock! I was barely going to have enough time to get there and make friends will all of my new jury buddies. So I weaved in and out and took some side roads, dropped my car off at the Court Valet parking lot (man, I love Dallas. We valet EVERYWHERE!) and ran into the building at 8:23. I had to be there at 8:30.

I went through the metal detector (exciting…criminals!) and found the area of the building. Lucky for me, there were quite a few people that forgot to send in their info online. I joined the crowd and entered everything in. I had my badge scanned and walked into what looked like a Texas A&M classroom and waited to be called to duty.

Lucky me, I was just in time for the informational video that was probably filmed 20 years ago. I chuckled at the awesome outfits everyone was wearing, giggled at the even better haircuts and laughed every time jur-OR was said…I also realized I was the only one even watching it.

While waiting for the real action to happen, I took out my book and began to read. Then out of nowhere I heard “ALL RISE.’ Oh man, this is it! The judge was here!!! Yippeee! I was finally going to sit on a jury! We swore to something (I am all about the details) and then the judge began to give his speech. He asked the group, “Who all was excited when they received their jury summons in the mail about 3 weeks ago?” Right away, I raised my hand. Better believe it, Mr. Judge Sir! In mid raise, I also realized I was the only one so my hand kind of hovered near my face…and quickly disappeared when I thought I heard a camera zooming in on me. The judge then told the crowd how inconvenient it is for him to be summoned and all the juggling he has to do just to show up and sit around, but how it is a wonderful thing and that juries are always right. Ha! Anyway, he spoke some more about it, I tuned out and once he left I went back to reading.

About an hour, they called a group of jurors to go to the courts. Yes! Except my number wasn’t a part of the cool crowd. So I go to sit some more…

The lady finally came back after about 30 minutes. At this point I am squirming with excitement. That is when she announces that none of the courts will need any more jurors for the day and that we are all dismissed. Ummm… excuse me? No, no, no NO! This was my jury day. A day away from work so that I could be a Law and Order Girl! How am I not needed!?! Did you not notice my perfect jury outfit?

Oh well, so I packed up my bag and headed out to lunch and then work. I think next time, I will go for the aggravated-to-be-here approach and maybe I will get chosen. I still better get my $6 for showing up, though…

Why I love him....

At work today, I learned about an outbreak of parasites among my coworkers. Upon telling Ben about the TMI and some details of the parasites, this is what he responds with...

Ben: parasites? what kind? Was she visiting a African slum? How does that happen? but if it is a tape worm, let me know, I will get on that.

Gotta love him...

It only took 6 months...

...but I finally got my DREAM FIRST HOUSE! Rather than get into the details of the process, I'll just show some pictures of it. :)

Me unlocking the gate for the first time...

From HOUSE

The view from the backyard...

From HOUSE

Living room with the dirty fireplace...

From HOUSE

The smaller set up "wall windows" is the master bedroom. View from outside...obviously...

From HOUSE

Upgraded kitchen...

From HOUSE

Toasting in the new house...

From HOUSE

Look forward to me HGTVing up the house...

:)

I'm a Call Girl

Little known fact about me....calling people I don't know....scares me. And by scares....makes me extrememly uncomfortable. My hands shake, I get sick to my stomach and for some crazy reason when I make that phone call to the unknown person...my voice reaches the highest, most unnatural octave. Not to mention, I become the sweetest, caring and fake person on the phone. I hate Call Girl Stephanie.

In my first internship, I had to make phone calls to embassies in Canada and ask for email addresses and mailing addresses. It was awful. I almost wanted to cry every day. Ever since then, I decided I wouldn't take a job cold calling, luke warm calling or warm calling.

In my department at Freeman we have our sales people that make the calls to the Exhibitors, get the information and I quote them a booth with said info. Life is great, they call Unknown people...I make a few calls to some other Freeman employees and I don't ever speak in a voice that only dogs can hear.

Well...all was great until last week...

Freeman picked up a new show which required a dedicated team. Lucky for me, I was asked to be a part of the team. Little did I know that would mean I would have to make over 100 phone calls to people I DON'T KNOW. I stressed about it for weeks and finally last Tuesday the day came.

I sat with one of my coworkers and listened to her make some calls. Then it was my turn, I locked myself in an office, made sure no one was listening and calmed my shaking hands. I dialed the number, asked for my contact in my high pitched voice and gave my little speech. Not too bad.... I then called some more people, left messages, chatted with others and realized....I am an idiot. This isn't bad at all. By the end of the week, I was dialing the phone, kicking up my feet and only spoke in the fake sweet voice for the first 5 seconds. So in less than a week my life has changed....I am an official Call Girl. Not to mention I make sales too!

My dog is definitely Mexican...

This morning Ben and I were standing in the kitchen when I tried to jump on him. Unfortunately I didn’t realize that I kneed our makeshift liquor cabinet. Ben’s most expensive bottle of tequila fell to the ground and splattered.

From out of nowhere Sylvester comes to survey the damage. As I am apologizing and picking up the glass, Sylvester is sniffing around.

Next thing you know he is rolling around on the carpet where the tequila spilled. We try to push him away but he keeps coming back for more. The tequila was like cat nip! He even found the towel that we soaked it up with and was in heaven. I guess the Chihuahua in him smelled home…

From Not So Secret World of Stephanie